Monday, July 11, 2011

UTAH

COWMAN LYFE


this is a magic tree that is used to teach danish kids the power of cooperation


this pig was pretty bummed that his apple eating got interrupted by death


seems like an inefficient way to eat cake





this kid was busting some sweet breakdancing moves or falling not sure


we put a tree in a giant chinese finger trap even though it didn't have fingers because it was an evil tree


there were babies and old cowboys and tiny dogs and i think i see an iphone too


it is a danish wedding tradition to burn a witch and then send it to germany. i think they really don't like harry potter and the germans or something. seems like a pretty good prank


I AM NOT A WITCH. proof the fireworks are acts of sorcery. don't like ur kids become witches. keep them away from firecrackers


midwest kids really like the cars movies. it makes sense.


this dad gave a speech and people cried but i don't think they were sad. can someone explain this to me?


sorry mom im a witch now. see how i'm trying to introduct continuity?


 there were two types of fire and a girl. together they lived in harmony but then the firework died.


what is life like as a firework? seems short but exciting


there seemed to be a lot of evil trees. we chose to burn these ones in log form and make desserts over it


everyone was listening to the person at the opposite side of the table instead of paying attention to the real head of the table aka me


right after getting married steven cheated on his wife with a half inflated air mattress


yeah, maybe if you are an oil baron illuminati! fight the power the truth is out there zeigeist movie bush ccaused nine one one


in utah they have dog based beer delivery services but it takes forever or a lot of dogs to get a six pack


check the safety cause this image is loaded. HIYO


i lived in this mobile pod house


this dog was interfacing with this horse that didn't know how to control it's penis. think they were sharing trade secrets about how to be animals


this spiky thing was scared of everything but still uncovered his face for a glamour shot. he wants me to upload it to his facebook so he can make it his profile picture. 2011 amirite?


a fat goat smells a rope. he looked like in a cartoon when something swallows a watermelon whole


i pretended to be a cowman


i took pictures that look like things that lame people would paint


we rode for whole minutes across the microdeserts of utah


look, in the distance, stuff that looks like all the other stuff around us


do real cowmen wear sunglesses? i don't think they do


this is my cowman friend his name is steEvN


i walked around with these on my feet and pretended i was inspiring fear in the hearts of the residents of the future ghost town i was walking into or maybe i was coming into a saloon and the piano music stopped suddenly. i used them to cause mild injury to a horse


this one armed horse head was all like 'here have this power cord with a big spider on it' and i was like 'no thanks spider plugs are not green' 


they had this big safe that said like freedom and liberty or something on it surprise ending there were guns inside


we went to this mormon party thing with a fire in the middle of the desert and had to be furtive about drinking beers. steven and i ran really far out into the desert. children chased us, think they were feral. used a smart phone to show us where constellations were. not sure if a real cowman would do that. p.s. do you think that is where the term 'dont have a cowman' comes from? also why would bort be expected to have a cowman anyway?


played a night game based on sheep herding. my team was really good and the other team was bad but we might have accidentally cheated, not sure. it was really dark. hannah laughed at me when i said 'all my sheepy in a heapy' while explaining the rules because 'just ur voice'


hannah and rachel fiddled with hannah's camera so that when they took pictures they wouldn't end up looking like this picture


this dog was named dog, it must have either a very confusing or very not confusing life but it seemed happy anyways


sometimes i can't think of something funny to say about a picture. this is rare bc i am HILARIOUS


there was this wax figure of steven on the mountain. actually this is just steven i lied to make a comparison


horses poop all over themselves and don't even care just fyi. majestic beasts.


my body looks really weird in this picture i blame the camera and angle but i am posting it anyway to provide evidence that i rode a horse up a mountain and not a tourist mountain either. i probably have a tougher butt now.


i should probably sell some of these pictures to postcard companies but probably i will just email them to my mom or maybe not because i am a lazy/bad son. is this blog mom appropriate?


 this symbol means that a long time ago someone measured this mountain in order to put it on an inaccurate map. is this what nerds did before computers? do you count as a nerd if you hang out in nature? can cowmen b nerds? i just confused myself


the illuminati put this pyramid on top of the mountain to harness the power of all lightning and ithink also flies because there were a lot there and also to shine morse code on towns in case of the russians with bombs or something. guess which parts of this post are true and win 


said wutsup to the sublime. he said 'me cause the sky is part of me lol.' the sublime is kind of a lame guy.


guys you should put this on ur mantel. do trailers have mantels?
 WHOA this post accidentally sounds really mean. sorry guys love y'all.
they don't really live in a trailer they just kinda do right now and they are not white trash they are rlly cool


dog is looking at me cause all animals is my friends and he wanted to be next to me in the picture so he could make it his dogfile picture and show that he is friends with such a cool guy


if i have ever said howdy in my life it was by accident


on the fourth of july there was a parade with a lot of girls in prommy dresses who were called 'royalty' for some reason and made speeches about 'what service means to me' and kept talking about 'the troops out there protecting our freedom' and it gave me like nine panic attacks



p.s. prommy rhymes with mommy. utah. think about it. hannah accurately observed that a lot of the kids who get married young (most of them) still dress like they were in highschool which makes it seem like they are only pretending to be real future moms and dads but then they actually do become moms and dads. scary slash WHOA REALNESS


look how chill this dog is like whoa. bet he gets all the bitches cause he can drive a truck. (get it?????????)


 sometimes i think: do i have what it takes to be a blogger? are there enough funny captions in me? and then i'm like yeah duh i rule and write something about butts


my stupid dad made me ride the stupid tractor in the stupid parade. SO LAME. big willenium style was soooo right


stupid dad who doesn't understand that his daughter is scene (i think? maybe she is just mall style?) and doesn't want to ride a tractor. seems nice


this guy had to add extra wheels to this motorcycle so he could fit multiple wifes on it. THIS IS MY MORMON JOKE CAPTION NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT


 on the fourth of july there is a demolition derby that everyone goes to. this post is too long. my funny is running out


these guys stood on there cars i think because of america. sorry i mean amurrikkka. everyone i met was nice actually. but maybe some people were racist? not sure since there were no black people around at all


looking at this picture made me wonder 'is there such a thing as a mormon feminist?'


i think this is called a dirt zamboni


saw this sweet extreme animals car. if you get this joke you are vry cool.


demolition derbies eliminate the pretense of 'racing' from nascar and give people what they really want.


they hired devo to flip cars back over but they didn't even play any  music i was bummed


this is a jellyfish explosion in the sky without diamonds. don't let ur babies do drugs.


sorry 2 utah for this occasionally vaguely mean blog post. i liked you a lot don't get me wrong

special thanks to all the holmans, just realized anna's last name might be holman now. weird.

GOD (B)LESS AMERICA

1 comment:

  1. this reminds me of when i go to new mexico where i always have a good time - riding horses is a lot of fun

    new mexico is closer to mexico so it has more cred though

    WEST COAST

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